Who I am
by LittleMissPierce
Summary: Elena is new to being a vampire. In fact, two weeks out of transition. She's not dealing well with it. She hates being a vampire. Nobody seems to notice, or understand. Except Damon. When Damon offers help, she declines. But one night she realizes she really needs it, and lets Damon guide her through this. After helping her, Elena feels differently about vampirism. ONE-SHOT


I've never been comfortable with being a vampire. In fact, I hate it.

I hate never getting to have kids. No growing old. Nothing.

I'm frozen. I'm nothing. I've become just a part of the scenery, never really living.

They've all been trying to help me, but I don't see the point.

Caroline thinks every vampire needs a new wardrobe. So, she's cashed in my converse for boots. My shirts and jeans for dresses and tights.

Bonnie, I hardly see anymore. I know she hates vampires. But I've known her since we met on the playground when we were six. Jeremy had to be sent away, because of his hunter instincts.

Matt is never around, and I miss the humanly warmth.

But most of all my boyfriend Stefan, who thinks I'm a broken toy. He looks at me like one. He won't touch me, or look me in the eye. And I hate it.

The only person who understands is Damon. The closest thing I have to a best friend now. I haven't talked to him in a while. He's upset I chose Stefan two weeks ago. But sometimes, he glances over at me. And I glance at him. And somehow, I know he understands. I know I still have him.

I sighed and glanced over at him. He was sitting on his recliner, nursing a bourbon bottle in his hands. I sat across the room, reading.

"Damon?"

Silence.

"Damon. Don't ignore me, please. I need a friend right now. I need you." I pleaded.

That last part seemed to catch his attention. He stared at me with those icy eyes, and slowly but surely, he gave me his famous smirk.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What was that last part?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes and threw the pillow in my lap at him. He caught it easily and threw it back. Just before it hit me, I gave him a look.

"Why so mopey lately?" Damon raised a brow.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because I'm a bloodsucking monster?"

He just stared at me.

"I just..." I sighed. "My parents were vampire hunters. If they were alive and they saw me as a vampire...they'd be ashamed of me. Hell, they'd disown me!"

By the end of my small speech, I was in tears.

Damon sighed and got up, going over and sitting next to me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me.

Normally, I'm fully aware that I love Stefan more. But Damon...he's so warm and inviting. He consumes me.

"I want to try something. Will you let me?" Damon asked, tilting his head to look at me.

I gave him a look and he shook his head. "No, that's not what I meant. I'm not going to touch you."

I nodded slowly. "Okay. What is it?"

He reached a hand up, cupping my cheek. He brushed his thump across my cheek. "I'm going to help take away the pain."

So, that night, I slipped into a guest room in the boarding house. I changed out of my dress and boots, and into small shorts and a cami.

"Elena?"

I turned as soon as I heard Damon. "Hey..."

"Just wanted to say goodnight." He was by my side in a flash. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

At first, his lips lingered. Warm and soft against my skin. I could feel myself blush. Vampirism has definitely heightened my senses.

" 'Night, Damon." I replied softly.

And he was gone. I crawled into bed and turned the lamp off.

Normally I have happy dreams. Of Stefan, of my parents, of cheerleading. But ever since I turned I've only had nightmares.

I screamed at the top of my lungs, and woke with a start.

_2:00._

I sucked in a deep breath and was about to scream when I felt a hand on my arm, but saw it was just Damon.

"Damon." I breathed in relief. "You scared me."

"Shh." He frowned. "You...okay?"

I nodded silently, not trusting my voice.

Damon made a sort of grunting noise and crawled under the blanket with me. I tensed up at first, but I couldn't take it.

The room was spinning, I was sweaty and it was humid. I fell asleep, my head lolling against his chest. He held me close and suddenly...

_I was in my old room. I think? I looked around. Fluffy, sparkly, pink curtains. Stuffed animals everywhere. Posters of bands on the walls. This was my room._

_"Sweetie!" I heard a voice call. Dad. _

_"Oh Grayson, she's probably so tired from everything. Let her sleep." Mom._

_"No!" I managed to get out. "I'm not tired...Stay with me?"_

_Both my parents sat at one end of my bed. They both reached for my hands, and I eagerly took theirs._

_"A little birdy told us you're not adjusting well to vampirism." My mom said softly._

_My expression was probably a horrified one. "I..."_

_"It's okay." My dad put a hand on my shoulder. "We know you didn't mean for it to happen."_

_"Your father's right. These kind of things don't just happen." _

_I sighed, taking in their words. Maybe they were right._

_"Close your eyes." My mother said suddenly._

_I obeyed silently._

_"Now forget what you see. What do you feel?" She continued._

_She had placed my hand over my own heart._

_"My heart." I answered._

_She moved my hand to her heart._

_"Your heart." I said._

_"Open your eyes." My dad said._

_"See?" My mom smiled warmly. "We're exactly the same. We both have hearts. We're both warm. Loving. We feel."_

I awoke with a gasp, blinking rapidly. My face was buried in Damon's chest. I sat up a little and looked at him. "Did you give me that dream?"

"You needed it." He answered with a shrug.

"Thank you." I slowly put my head back down, curling up to him. "Can you give me more dreams?"

" 'Course." He pulled the covers up.

My parents were right. Damon was right.

I wasn't lost, frozen, or gone. I was alive; I was alive in a beautifully disastrous world.


End file.
